Understanding Anger

So, what exactly is anger? Understanding anger and its mechanisms is crucial for effectively dealing with it.

The first thing to understand about anger is that it is an actual physical response. Proverbs 29:22 states: “An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.” The phrase “hot-tempered one” translates into a Hebrew phrase meaning “owner of heat.” This refers to the hot flush often felt coursing through your body when you get angry.

Anger is a symptom, not the real problem. It's like the red warning light in your car, signalling that something is wrong.

So, what triggers our anger? Typically, it comes down to these three main causes:

Hurt
Frustration, and
Fear

1. Hurt

Firstly, hurt can trigger anger. This could be physical pain, but more often, it's emotional hurt or pain. Feelings of rejection, betrayal, being unappreciated, unloved, or treated unfairly often elicit an angry response.

A biblical example is Cain. In Genesis 4, we read: “The Lord looked with favour on Abel and his offering, but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favour. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.” (Genesis 4:4-5) Cain's anger and subsequent murder of his brother stemmed from the emotional pain of rejection.

2. Frustration

Example: Naaman (2 Kings 5:11–12)

Frustration is another trigger for anger. It often arises from unmet expectations or a loss of control. We encounter numerous unmet expectations in life—regarding marriage, children, jobs, etc. And a loss of control? A common example is the anger felt in a traffic jam, where you're helplessly delayed and can do nothing about it.

A biblical instance of frustration leading to anger is Naaman. In 2 Kings 5, Naaman, a Syrian commander, sought healing from Elisha, the prophet. Elisha instructed him to wash in the Jordan River. Naaman reacted angrily: “But Naaman went away angry and said, 'I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than any of the waters of Israel? Couldn’t I wash in them and be cleansed?' So he turned and went off in a rage.” (2 Kings 5:11-12) Naaman's anger was fueled by unmet expectations; he had anticipated a different approach from prophet Elisha.

3) Fear

"And then a third trigger is that of fear. Anytime you are startled or feel threatened, you will often respond in anger. Remember, we saw earlier that the physical response to anger is identical to the physical response to fear. That’s why when someone startles you or yells 'Boo!' you often get angry. It’s the same response.

A good example of fear leading to anger is King Saul in the Old Testament. When David killed Goliath, the women came out and danced in the streets. We read in 1 Samuel 18, 'As they danced, they sang: "Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands." Saul was very angry; this refrain galled him… Saul was afraid of David because the LORD was with David but had left Saul.' (1 Samuel 18:7-12) Saul felt threatened by David and responded in anger.

Anger is a secondary emotion. So when you are angry, you need to stop and ask yourself, 'Why am I angry?' What is the red warning light trying to warn me about? Am I hurt, frustrated, or afraid? Once you understand that anger is a secondary emotion, you can begin dealing with the actual problem, the primary emotion that is setting you off."

Understanding Anger

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