Dealing with Anger

How do we deal with anger?

There are three aspects to consider: (today, we look at two responses)

A. How You Express Anger Is a Learned Response

Firstly, the way you express anger is indeed a learned response. Our sinful natures are highly susceptible to adopting the sinful patterns we observe in our environment. Consequently, if your primary examples of managing anger are rooted in sin, it is probable that your expression of anger will mirror these negative influences.

Ephesians 4:31-32 addresses this, urging us to "put away all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and slander, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." This scripture highlights the transformative power of adopting Christ-like attitudes in place of learned sinful behaviours.

Consider a young tree growing in a huge garden. This tree, surrounded by older trees bent and twisted by winds and storms, begins to grow in the same distorted manner. However, when a gardener comes and shields the young tree from these harsh elements, providing proper care and support, the tree starts to grow straight and strong.

Similarly, we may have learned to express our anger in distorted, unhealthy ways, influenced by the environment around us. Yet, when we allow God, the divine gardener, to nurture and guide us, He can correct these patterns, enabling us to grow in His likeness, strong and upright in our emotional responses.

The good news is that God provides us with the resources and guidance to unlearn these harmful patterns and adopt healthier ways of handling our anger. Romans 12:2 encourages this transformation, stating, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." This reminds us that through God's wisdom found in His Word, we can reshape our responses to anger, aligning them with His will.

B. How You Express Anger Is a Chosen Response

Secondly, how you express anger is a choice. No one can force you to be angry. You always have the option not to be angry. Need proof? Take into consideration the number of instances in which you have been in the midst of an angry outburst, only to promptly answer a phone call with a kind greeting, "Hello, this is Tony." How can I help you? You see, you have the ability to exercise control over your anger whenever you so desire. But that’s the problem; we often don't want to.

James 1:19 advises, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” This is not just good advice; it's a Scriptural command. Proverbs 13:3 states, “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.” Similarly, Proverbs 29:20 says, “Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” Be quick to listen and slow to speak.

God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason: use them proportionally. Think before you speak, and when in doubt, refrain. You can always say something later, but you can't take back those words which have already been spoken.

If you choose to be quick to listen and slow to speak, this will aid you in following the third part of the command: to be slow to anger. God is slow to anger. “The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.” (Psalm 103:8). We know God is slow to anger because we are all still here! As God is slow to anger, so should we be. Proverbs 19:11 says, “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offence.” Ecclesiastes 7:9 adds, “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

Dealing with Anger

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